food humorfood humor Eat, Drink and Really Be Merry
Welcome to an amusing look at the world of food and drink. Nothing escapes parody; not the lobster, the potato, the turnip or the green vegetable. Dining out is covered too, as well as drinking for fun and profit.


Article archive

A book related to each article

Links you may enjoy


Cookbooks! Cookbooks!
Treat yourself.

Link to us

Reviews of Kitchen Utensils

Visit these other humorous sites by the same author:

Middle Age and
Other Mistakes

Home Is Where
the Dirt Is

Pop Goes the Culture

Don't Tech Me In

What's New, Emu?

Laughing Matters Ink

I Was Absent

Copyright © 2001, 2002.
All rights reserved.

milk and cookiesFast Food Versus Slow Food: Are You Dancing As Fast As You Can?
by Marjorie Dorfman

What is the attraction to fast food and why is it a fatal one as far as our figures and physiques go? Read on to discover its secret appeal and have a laugh (not fattening) as well.

"We were taken to a fast food café where our order was fed into a computer. Our hamburgers, made from the flesh of chemically impregnated cattle, had been broiled over counterfeit charcoal, placed between slices of artificially flavored cardboard and served to us by recycled juvenile delinquents." . . . Jean-Michel Chapereau

Everything today is fast. People think fast, speak fast, walk fast, write fast and eat fast. The speed of communication is rapid and getting more so with every breath that we take. (That is, if we have time to take a breath in between rushing everywhere in the world.) Do you remember the days when "fast" referred to what two teenagers did in the back seat of a Chevrolet convertible? It certainly doesn’t mean that today. I always feel like I am a step or two behind everyone else, even though I am dancing as fast as I possibly can. If you feel the same way, then hang on tightly to your hat and hold the pickle and the lettuce as we swirl the light fantastic into the phenomenal world of fast food.

Fast food has become such an integral part of the busy American lifestyle that there are more than 300,000 restaurants offering it throughout the United States today. It’s convenient, predictable and, surprise, fast. It is also very high in calories and nutrition experts stress the need to fit fast food into a balanced healthy diet. I will not mention any names in my irreverent and uncalled for study. I have no need to protect the innocent, arrest the guilty or spit at the indifferent. I sincerely feel that they all fall into the same category and that no one name is any worse or better than any other one. As such, they are all worthy of my opinion, even if they don’t think so and didn’t ask me for it in the first place.

It is probably the worst thing for out digestive systems to eat fast and yet we all do it, myself included. Dr. Depchak Chopra once said that we should never eat a meal with people we don’t like because of the toxic effect of enzymes upon our body chemistry. In the case of fast food, the person we don’t like is in all probability ourselves, as when we are indulging in it there is little time for anyone or anything else. It is a mode of operation that when set into gear cannot be reversed until the meal is over, (and sometimes not even then.) p> My experiences with fast food have found both the managerial and the wait staff indifferent to the needs of customers. I can understand how their involvement is at a minimum, especially since their salaries are, but manners should be a part of everyone’s daily routine, no matter how little they are being paid. These workers seem to be looking for something lost on the floor whenever I place my order. Talk about the whites of their eyes! I never see them! One of the worst stories I ever heard has to do with an incident that happened somewhere in Canada, about two years ago. A gentleman ordered a cheeseburger and found a piece of wood inside, fortunately before he swallowed it. He reported it to the manager who claimed he didn’t know where the burger came from, but offered to exchange it for another one, just in case he was telling the truth and really did purchase it where he said he did. The young man declined. He called the food inspectors and reported them and then requested information on how to open up his own fast food franchise!

Have you ever watched people eat fast food? Well, I have and let me tell you it is quite revealing. It’s like observing robots bobbing their heads up and down, again and again, until the decomposing, fattening special of the day is no longer upon their plates of plastic. There seems to be no thought of calories or nutrition or even, from what I have observed, conversation. (Of course, I am not counting mothers reprimanding children and husbands for spilling soda upon their polyester outfits!) If I sound bitter, I am. I am also mad at myself that fast food is in my life whether I want it to be or not (kind of like a remorseful ex-spouse who keeps hanging around). My life is as hectic as everyone else’s and with time at a premium, every now and then fast food looks, if not good, then at the very least, convenient.

Weight Watchers has a new program:

Introducing Weight Watchers(R) TurnAround(TM)!

Really works!!
Special page about Weight Watchers here.

food humor"Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks."
Lin Yutang
The Importance of Living, 1937

"Talk of Joy: there may be things better than beef stew and baked potatoes and home-made bread
. . . there may be."

David Grayson
Adventures in Contentment, 1907

Don't miss this excellent book

Fast Food Nation

Fast Food Nation

Author Eric Schlosser has written an exposé of the first order on the fast food industry. The award-winning journalist covers everything from the overworked and underpaid teenagers who work in the industry to the factory farms and slaughterhouses run by giant meat-packing corporations. Eater and reader beware of the shocking truth uncovered here!

Click to print
Click for a printer friendly version of this article.